Always Here
by Stompy Bigfoot
Summary: Not Slash. After their crusade is over, Sam deals with a personal loss, but one girl shows him there’s still life. Character Death


**ALWAYS HERE**

**AUTHOR: **Stompy Bigfoot

**DISCLAIMER: **Supernatural belongs to Warner Bros., Wonderland Sound and Vision, McG, Eric Kripke, and Robert Singer. I am only borrowing their characters for my own personal pleasure and no permanent harm will come to them.

**SUMMARY: **Not Slash. After their crusade is over, Sam deals with a personal loss, but one girl shows him there's still life. Character Death

**SPOILERS:** Up to Dead Man's Blood.

**RATING:** R, language and violence.

_Italics_ are thoughts

* * *

Dean was preparing himself for the time when Sam was going to tell him he was leaving. He'll never say it out loud, but Sam is the only reason that has him keep on going. Dean doesn't understand why his brother is still on the road hunting with him. It has been 2 months since the death of their father and the Yellow-Eyed-Demon, and Sam hasn't left any clues, not has he made any attempts of going back to school. Dean is very confused._ Wasn't that what you wanted? Going back to school as soon as the demon is dead? Sam, don't leave me hanging by thread again like last time. Just tell me this time. I understand where you are coming from. Dad just died. Don't make everything more painful…_

Sam wasn't planning on leaving Dean any time soon. He hasn't told his brother this, but his doesn't have the energy to go back to school. He knows fully that he won't ft in. Sure, he fitted in during his four years of Stanford before Jess' death, but half of it was all a lie. Jessica died because of that, and he wasn't planning on repeating his mistakes again. _I can run away from my past, but it always catches up with me in the end. Why not just accept it in this life? Maybe I can become a lawyer in my next life._

The boys were driving down Route 8, not really having any destination in mind yet. Both Winchesters were dead on their feet, and Sam seeing a sign informing a motel 2 miles ahead, he made up his mind of resting there for the night. Dean was awoken abruptly as the car came to a sudden standstill._ Sam still hasn't improved his parking abilities. Thank god it's me that usually drives._

"If anything happened to my car…" Dean's voice threatened hoarsely to his left.

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head in amusement._ Whatever Dean. Can't hurt your baby. Jerk._

Dean gave a mighty stretch, and climbed out of the car, his brother following suite. Not ten minutes later, they walked in their room for the night. Sam had to cringe at the décor of the room. The wallpaper was a clash of a variety of bright colours, and the furniture, well; it's not even worth talking about. _My eyes are already sore. Wonder what mindless person was requested to furnish this room?_

"And I thought last week was bad." Sam dumped his belongings on the far bed, while Dean had thrown his possessions on the other bed, the one closest to the door._ Old habits die hard…_

"You found us any hunts?" Dean's voice broke out into the room, as he was taking out his toiletries.

"Nup. It's like as it all supernatural creatures is taking vacation this week." Sam replied.

"Anyway, we have to hit the laundromat first this tomorrow morning. My clothes are going to walk stand up on its own if I leave it in there for another day." Dean exclaimed before walking into the bathroom.

_Why do I always get the shower last? _A second voice whispered back, _'because I'm younger'. I hate being the kid brother sometimes. I definitely can't leave Dean. Dad just died, and if I left again, Dean's going to die._

---

The oldest Winchester had just started walking across the road with Sam behind him, when a car raced around the corner and slammed into him, missing him by an inch. Time seemed to slow down as Sam saw Dean's figure crumple at the collision of the speeding car, and sickeningly, he heard bones crunching as the tires ran over him ruthlessly.

"DEAN…" Sam screamed out horrifically. Dropping his duffel bag, he bent down and crawled his way over to his brother. There was blood running down Dean's face from the impact with the gravel, and his limbs were bent at an impossible angle, obviously broken and crushed. Like any other crash scene, a crowd was gathering around the two boys.

"Sam…cremation please…" Blood was dribbling out of his mouth and his words were swiftly growing more slurred.

Sam crouched down next to Dean's head, eyes shining with tears, "Don't talk like that. Help is on the way." _Please Dean…don't die…_

"Sammy. Go back…Stanford…make…" Dean rasped out in a cracked voice.

"Shhhh Dean…Shhhh…" Sam soothed Dean's hair lovingly.

Dean shook his head, and continued, "Make me proud…Sammy…just know that I…" Dean gave one last breath, before his eyes glazed over; the life and spark vanishing completely from his pupils. The greenness dulled and when Sam put his hand under his brother's nose, no air was puffing against his finger.

_No Dean…you can't die like this…you're supposed to complain and whine about your old rattling bones before going six feet under. Not like this…not on a hit-and-run…not on the way to the laundromat…_ Sam closed Dean's eyes and collapsed in a broken heap on top of him. Clenching tightly onto his brother, he cried softly into his jacket. By now, the ambulance and the police had arrived by now. Sam ignored the paramedics around him, nor did he address the police who was trying to pry him away from his brother. Sam wasn't aware of any of his surroundings. He was too lost in his own grief and sorrow.

---

"DEAN", Sam awoke with a shout. It's been 3 months since his brother's death, and like what Dean told him before he died that morning on the road, he returned to Stanford._ Thank god I don't have a flatmate, or nobody would ever sleep._ Knowing he won't be shutting his eyes again like all the other nights for the past 3 months, he got up wearily and got himself a drink.

A shadowy pile on the kitchen table caught his attention and he flipped on the light to inspect it. A bright glow flooded across the room, causing Sam to blink painfully a few time. Recovering and walking closer to the table, it was revealed that the 'shadowy pile' was the pile of photos of Dean and him he had collected over the years. Droplets of salty tears were splashing onto his hand that was resting next to the photos. Shuddering out a breath, he collapsed into a chair and buried his head in his arms, He couldn't stop the tears that were flowing freely from his eyes, nor could he stop the sobs that were racking through his huddled figure._ I miss you Dean…sorry…you never knew…I hated the years that we spent apart…never told you…I was happy…but that didn't mean I liked that fact that you weren't there…never told you…you're the best brother anyone could ask for…love you Dean…_

Streams of sunlight peeping through the half closed curtains woke Sam a few hours later. Getting up like an old man, he glanced to his left at the clock, and realized he had around 45 minutes until his first class. Not wanting to fail his first exam of the semester, he quickly showered and gathering his books and bag, he ran out of the apartment and to his literature class.

"How nice of you to join us Mr Winchester." The literature professor amusingly commented, seeing Sam's panting and red face. Sam ducked his head in embarrassment and plonked himself in the only empty seat in the back of the room, the seat next to Rhianna Tate, also a law student._ I love her hair…black and silky…very bright and fine girl…but I can't get close to her…don't want to repeat any tragedies…like last time…hurts too much…can't bear the pain of going through that again…even if it means not ever finding love again…_

Rhianna gave him a small smile, and they all lowered their heads to complete the exam.

It was silent for the next 3 hours.

"What happened Sam?" David asked at once as they all came out of the hall. Sam mumbled a 'slept in', but otherwise, ignored his friend's further interrogation.

_Sam's so closed up. He puts everybody at arm's length, I've noticed. We've known each other for 3 months, and the only facts I know about him is that his mom died when he was 6 months old, his dad died 5 months ago. He drives a '76 Chevrolet Impala that has seen better days. He studied here before, finishing college and preparing for law school, but his girlfriend died and he disappeared for 2 years…I'm worried…_ Rhianna managed to drag Sam alone to the trees, and asked in a gentle voice, "What really happened Sam? Are you okay?"_ he never sleeps in…_

Rhianna's eyes were full of concern and love; and Sam wasn't able to just retort back. "I'm fine Rhi. Really." The black-haired shook her head dejectedly, and left it at that.

_I'm sorry Rhi…I can't reciprocate your feelings. It's for the best…_ Sam patted her arm for assurance, and walked out to his next class.

---

"Knock…knock"_ I wonder what Rhi wants? Only she has my address…_ Sam opened his apartment door, revealing Rhianna, who was carrying her bag and a plastic bag of KFC._ Oh my god…he has such a nice chest…nice abs…mmm…why hide that hotness Sam? And interesting Amulet._

"Wha—? Come in Rhi. Excuse my lack of clothing, I'll put something on." Sam opened the door wider to allow his friend to enter, before running into his bedroom to put on a shirt, since he was only in his trousers.

Rhianna closed the front door behind her, and walked herself to Sam's kitchen, putting her bag on the chair and the meal on the bench. Turning around, photos that Sam forgot to pack in his haste that morning took her interest. Leaving the dinner for now, she went over to inspect the top photo, and saw 2 males leaning against a black Impala._ That is very similar to the one that Sam's driving now._ The taller one was obviously a younger looking Sam, while the shorter one next to him, just as hot, whom put bunny ears behind Sam's head was someone she didn't recognize._ I wonder who that is? They look very close._ She also noticed the amulet that was hanging around Sam ever since she'd known him was around the guy's neck, and the silver ring which was currently on Sam's finger, was also on the guy's hand._ I wonder…_

Sam came out of his room_ finally_, and saw Rhianna studying a photo intently._ Shit. I forgot to pack it…now I have to tell her…don't want to…but it would be harmless…Dean's already dead…_

Upon seeing Sam, Rhi blushed slightly as if she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar, and asked, "Who's this Sam?"

A flash of anguish flickered through Sam's caramel orbs for a split second, before he jadedly answered, "That's my brother Dean." Perceiving Rhi's stare for further exclamation, he continued, "He's dead. That's why I never bothered to mention him to anyone."

Rhi looked shocked for a second, before her brain went a mile a minute…_Jesus…no wonder he was literally bleeding of grief when I first met him…and that's why Sam's wearing the amulet and ring…it was his brothers. Is this why he never talked about his family? Why he never told us he had a brother? It was too painful for him because Dean just passed? What happened?_

Knowing she was prying, but unable to hold back her curiosity, she asked hesitantly, "What happened?"

Sam sighed, and motioned for her to sit down. Bringing the fast food over, he sat himself opposite her and started speaking softly, all the while unpacking the meal. "We were heading for the laundromat across the road, when a speeding vehicle slammed into Dean. I was an inch away, so I didn't get hit._ Lucky me._ Dean unfortunately, wasn't so lucky. His body was literally crushed after the crash, so he died not soon after. I never told him I loved him, and now he'd never know. He's gone Rhi, I got him cremated."

Rhianna brought her chair over, so they were shoulder to shoulder, and putting a hand on his shoulder, her tranquil voice filtered into Sam, "I'm sure he knows, and he's not gone. He'll always be here." Sam looked at her, and she placed her hand over her own heart.

"No, you don't understand Rhi. It isn't that simple. We had a huge falling out when I was here last time. I didn't want to be part of the family business, so I left. We ended up not talking to each for 4 years. He thought I ditched the family, and thought I didn't appreciate him. When we hit the road 4 years later, I went with him reluctantly, always telling him I'll leave any time. I hated the family business, and I still do. But, that didn't mean I hated him. I loved him, but he never knew." Sam broke off, his head looking over her head pensively.

Rhi brought Sam's eyes back to her face by holding his chin, and tilting his head until they were eye-to-eye. "He forgives you, and also, he knows what you were unable to verbalise to him when he was alive. I'm very sure."

Sam raised an eyebrow at this, clearly in disbelief,_ how could you know? You can't. You have to be dead to know._ Rhianna continued, "He's watching over you Sam. He's in heaven, watching over you." _Does she know more than she's letting on, like me?_

Sam nodded, still obviously unconvinced, but appreciating her gesture, gave a one-armed hug. "You know, we should eat before this goes all ice cold."

The two law students sat themselves down in their respective seats and dug in. Sam surprisingly felt lighter after he confessed to his friend about Dean. _He'll always be in my heart. She is right. Even if Dean is dead, and it hurts like hell, he's not gone. He may be not kicking and breathing, but he'll always he here. _

---

EPILOGUE 

It's been 5 years since Samuel Winchester met Rhianna Tate and life couldn't be any better. After talking to her about Dean that night, he finally asked her out a month later, and their bond gets stronger by the day. He eventually told her about the hunting, and surprisingly him greatly, she accepted it. Nowadays, they are happily married with 2 children between them, Dean Andrew and Alexandra Jessica. He has inkling that Rhi is expecting a third, but he hasn't asked. Sam couldn't ask for a better wife, and he has to thank Dean for that. If he never told him to go back to school, he would've never met Rhi, and Sam didn't want to think where he would be now.

_**THE END**_


End file.
